when emotions controlled you, & pain took over
starvation is a good distraction
ii've never allow emotions to take over me so much before
never felt this helpless, this frustrated with myself
even looking for my essay book was tough
ii've last since it eons years ago, & now ii need it for CRS
ii rmb-ed an awesome piece of essay written on capital punishment
but nvm, it's gone anyway. probably incinerated.
ii am not this noble. ii know ii'm selfish.
ii've tried.
keeping myself occupied all day, reaching home late every niite.
asking you to leave, & choosing not to meet you..
but why arent ii sparing a thought for myself still?
ii avoid typing his name, saying his name.
ii keep myself occupied all day long to tired myself out
listen during lectures, not sleeping in class, returning home late..
ii thought ii was alright, on the verge of recovery.
And the pain shoot me like an arrow through my heart
jackson ask, why dont ii hate him.
jeremy thinks he's a bastard
alex said somthing, too.
nothing else matters, because my girlfriend is happy, so is he.
never regretted my decision to leave still.
from him, ii learnt too much, of reality
never regretted being w/ him, because once upon a time, ii'm happy..
And den it's the other you.
ii tried to ask you leave, and disallowing myself to meet you.
ii still gotta worry for you, that you get into trouble
sometimes, when ii request you to do something
cant you do it to cease my worries?
when will you ever be more sensible?
when your dad delay time & again
ii thought to myself, to get 3.5k for you for your bike
maybe not this much, given my ability, but 2k was on my mind
ii wanted to set aside the money for my wallet
as well as my school fees "rebate"
to grant you the transport you always wanted..
now, ii hesitate between quitting school & entering working phase
there are too many reasons why ii should quit school
And too many reasons why ii should just work
ii need a lil' understanding.
will you stop asking me if ii miss him?
will you just be here for me?
will you stop going missing?
you know, ii still do love you.
ii'm beginning to like being hungry.
ii like the gastric pain that's hurting riite now
it's a form of distraction.. (:
