we have a long talk.

ii said,
there are some issues between us. maybe we shouldnt talk. the relationship hasn't been fair till date. it isnt fair to you, at all. we should give the relationship a second thought, maybe ii am never the girl you ever wanted right from the start.

you said,
you are damn sick of me thinking this way. that you never minded anything, as long as ii am happy. that ii am not trying hard enough, to try to make a change in my attitude towards you & the rs. that each & everytime ii say you are awesome & that we arent playing fair, yet ii am not doing things to make it right. you said you are trying so hard to make me happy, hoping that ii will treat myself better and the rs better. you said many times you wanted to walk out of the rs, but you love me too much to do that, and see me falling back into depression and all. that ii think breaking up is a wrong choice.

ii said,
you dont know you dont know you dont know! while you have so so much faith in me, ii have none in myself. it feels so tough to even try. ii dont even have the energy to try. you were right, ii lost myself in the process. ii am never the me again, anymore. emotions and feelings overwhelm me, that my heart never really have a real say; ii can barely felt its existence anymore. maybe you & your friends were right, you should give up on me. ii realised it was me being selfish all along, to drag you into my messy life, just so ii wont die so quickly.

fact is, ii still cant bring myself out of everything. ii brought all the habits from my selection of drinks to my selection of food & everything into present. ii sleep with mario every night. as much as all these are the past, ii didnt have the courage to walk out of it at all.

ii am sorry.